Little Things and BIG Cravings

2012-06-22 009 I found a little elephant for Glynnis.  The poor dear has had nothing to play with.

I have been going through another round of dolly deprivation.  I continue to scour the charity shops and eBay for a miracle.  Meaning extremely cheap and most loveable doll I can find.  I found several, which I agonised over, because it really isn’t that I need to bring in  a new character, but that I am longing for my own dolls that are somewhere in between Shanghai and Glasgow.  At least another month of waiting and it is killing me.  Seems sensible that I would be use to this by now, but I am NOT. 

I think about Evie and Allina and Mikko.  I think about Jollyann.  I hardly have gotten to know Jeanette.  I look at other Sasha’s and get all worked up about how perfect Jeanette really is, and I have only held her for a few days before she was packed up.  And my sewing machine.  I dream of the thousands of fancy gowns I will make.

But this is all a part of the dolly world, the imagination, the creativity waiting to blossom.  All the things I imagine I will do, little of it comes to pass.  I imagined huge and dramatic stories with Yorik, delightful little girl play with Glynnis, and what do I do?  Spend scads of hours lusting after dolls we cannot afford, instead of playing with what I have.   This is crazy! 

I came so close yesterday to hitting the button to a BIN Zwergnase, something I have never done without discussing it first with my husband, but I wanted her so badly that I thought for an insane moment that I would risk his displeasure over spending money we shouldn’t spend right now in order to have the doll.  In hesitating and trying to come up with a reason to present to husband of my desperate need to have THIS PARTICULAR ONE, she was nabbed by someone else.  Oh, how that threw me into a stupid despair.  Ten minutes after I found her, she was gone.  

Which then sent me into a despair over all the dolls I have had in the past and given up in order to buy another one for the pure thrill of it all.  Most, I have not regretted selling, but a few I have.  Deeply regretted.  Both my Zwergnases, both the Schoenhuts, and my Gotz Anna.   Of course, I kick myself when I remind myself how much I do adore the ones I have.  If only they were here! 

Where does all this longing come from?  I can look at a thousand dolls without batting an eye.  Ho Hum.  I can come across one that suddenly opens a door within me, striking up a chord of imagination that practically explodes.  It’s not just any doll, it is THAT doll! 

2012-06-22 008

Glynnis was a sparkler for me, and now she mostly sits on the shelf by my computer.  Will I never be satisfied?

Oh, I see the mouse in the background, I did win the auction for the fur, so he will get fancy in no time.

And I found a pink tricycle that I imagined for Audrey:

2012-06-21 0012012-06-21 0022012-06-21 003 £2.00 for this and a leather wallet.

It came with a clown, which I will probably toss, it has a wire body with a foam piece wrapped around the wire.  I might be able to salvage the body costume for Audrey.  But the trike is cute, metal with a basket and rubber on the wheels, which turn.  I can imagine her on it.

I can imagine all kinds of things….but somehow feel paralyzed in reaching for any idea.