I have been going through another round of dolly deprivation. I continue to scour the charity shops and eBay for a miracle. Meaning extremely cheap and most loveable doll I can find. I found several, which I agonised over, because it really isn’t that I need to bring in a new character, but that I am longing for my own dolls that are somewhere in between Shanghai and Glasgow. At least another month of waiting and it is killing me. Seems sensible that I would be use to this by now, but I am NOT.
I think about Evie and Allina and Mikko. I think about Jollyann. I hardly have gotten to know Jeanette. I look at other Sasha’s and get all worked up about how perfect Jeanette really is, and I have only held her for a few days before she was packed up. And my sewing machine. I dream of the thousands of fancy gowns I will make.
But this is all a part of the dolly world, the imagination, the creativity waiting to blossom. All the things I imagine I will do, little of it comes to pass. I imagined huge and dramatic stories with Yorik, delightful little girl play with Glynnis, and what do I do? Spend scads of hours lusting after dolls we cannot afford, instead of playing with what I have. This is crazy!
I came so close yesterday to hitting the button to a BIN Zwergnase, something I have never done without discussing it first with my husband, but I wanted her so badly that I thought for an insane moment that I would risk his displeasure over spending money we shouldn’t spend right now in order to have the doll. In hesitating and trying to come up with a reason to present to husband of my desperate need to have THIS PARTICULAR ONE, she was nabbed by someone else. Oh, how that threw me into a stupid despair. Ten minutes after I found her, she was gone.
Which then sent me into a despair over all the dolls I have had in the past and given up in order to buy another one for the pure thrill of it all. Most, I have not regretted selling, but a few I have. Deeply regretted. Both my Zwergnases, both the Schoenhuts, and my Gotz Anna. Of course, I kick myself when I remind myself how much I do adore the ones I have. If only they were here!
Where does all this longing come from? I can look at a thousand dolls without batting an eye. Ho Hum. I can come across one that suddenly opens a door within me, striking up a chord of imagination that practically explodes. It’s not just any doll, it is THAT doll!
Glynnis was a sparkler for me, and now she mostly sits on the shelf by my computer. Will I never be satisfied?
Oh, I see the mouse in the background, I did win the auction for the fur, so he will get fancy in no time.
And I found a pink tricycle that I imagined for Audrey:
It came with a clown, which I will probably toss, it has a wire body with a foam piece wrapped around the wire. I might be able to salvage the body costume for Audrey. But the trike is cute, metal with a basket and rubber on the wheels, which turn. I can imagine her on it.
I can imagine all kinds of things….but somehow feel paralyzed in reaching for any idea.