There are moments in time, when my heart will capture the presence of my companion. Here, I went into the bedroom to fetch something and the sun was peeking through the drapes from across the room and I stopped and took it all in. Rosey was peeking over the top of her comforter letting me know she had no desire to get up quite yet. I nodded without a word spoken and went back to my housekeeping chore. I felt connected to her through an unexpected sunlit moment.
For years, I moaned about it. For years, I thought it was a solution I needed. It has always bothered me that I can’t seem to stay focused in any dolly direction for long. I believe a great deal of it comes from the ideas I get when I see certain dolls, which create intense desires to delve into a whole new secret world with them. The problem is that none of it gets thoroughly explored because all it will take is for another doll to take me down another path.
From old fashioned to gothic, from tiny to large, from human to fairies, it just all gets just so far before I am distracted into something else. I blame the internet for becoming a candy shop of visual delights! lol. Oh, how a well taken photo can completely set me alight with imagination and I want so badly to begin to create something similar. I haven’t been able to harness it, guide it and thoroughly enjoy it because it is like dumping marbles on the ground, they scatter so quickly!
I had been thinking about it for a long time, but this morning, I decided to experience and explore the one-and-only doll companion concept that I have wanted to try for so many years. This is now the right time to do it. I am settled, there is no pressure of any kind about what kind of doll will fit the circumstances, I am not living apart from my dolls and things and going through separation anxiety. Here and now, when they are all mine to be had, is the time to find out what it is I am seeking with just one doll.
I got out one of the large packing boxes and began to sort through the clothing, shoes and items. Anything Rosey could use, I kept out. I didn’t worry about whether it was modern or old, because I want Rosey to find her place in the world and I am tired of trying to force my ideas and find that they fall flat. So that means Rosey and I have a lot of exploring to do between us.
I laid all of the dolls on the bed. Seeing them this way gave me a few twinges, the soulful eyes of Hammie, the smile of Peter Mikko, the forlorn Evie all made me remember the love and companionship we all once shared. We may again some day, I am not ruling that possibility out by any means. I tried, I really did. Nothing I did worked and only made me more uncomfortable. That trucking and that Hawaii experience had too many separations and it broke the bonds formed or perhaps I am just in a completely different mind-set. Maybe it is me that has changed and my needs have changed. I can look at each one and feel a glow of warmth for them, but I feel as though it continually pulls on me to do something about them and I feel it hinders me somehow. I can’t explain it.
I packed them up, laying them on a cushion over all the bagged clothing and stuff and covered them in a white sheet which was also wrapped under them. I put them to sleep, so to speak in comfort and protection. I felt a bit of relief, the guilt of seeing them sitting on the shelf waiting for me was too much. I admit it. Deep breath.
I moved all Rosey type things in the drawers to fine sort later. In the room I had created earlier, I put some school like stuff in it and will create a classroom for her. It’s not fixed up yet. Another project for another day.
So Rosey is now my only doll within reach. I kept Olivia the Pig out because she will be our traveling mascot. I kept my bears out because I don’t play with them, although I may put them away to protect from dust. I kept out the tiny antique dolls that I did the Queen’s story with because I am giving them to Rosey as her own dolls. It might be fun for her and Meredith Bear to create their own stories about the Queen.
I am sitting here with Rosey, sipping hot tea to calm my nerves and feeling a sense of relief that is hard to describe. With only one companion doll to focus on, I wonder where it will take me?