I have been trying, slowly, a bi methodically I guess. I first picked up my Evie and put some eyes in and hair. It took all of 2 seconds to remember the wonky legs at the knees. The flipped an twisted around as I was putting in the eyes and the frustration was mounting. Surprisingly, I found a temporary solution that never occurred to me before, I cut two fingers off a rubber glove and pulled them over her knees and it not only kept her knees in place, but also to bend to sit. I was pleased that the idea worked, but two yellow knees bands were rather unsightly. Sigh.
Evie’s face was forlorn, more than I could bear. Guilt was certainly a silly but real emotion I was feeling while I gazed at her. All that we had been through together, the travels, the adventures. And now I was not sure who she was. Or maybe I was not sure who I have become.
I set her back on the doll sofa after a couple of days and picked up the large bjd, the one I had such hopes for, but she never had the chance to blossom. As I lifted her up and felt the heft of her resin weight, she flopped against my shoulder and I was touched by the gesture. Was this a signal? A hint? a touch a fate? I studied her face, she was in sore need of a faceup. And in the time I have had her, I never so much as made her a single dress. She was wrapped in a newborn japanese robe and old cotton slip. A rush of guilt about that too. Such a beauty and I have done nothing with her.
I kept her next to me on my desk, but after a few days of noting how terribly small her head is to her body and neck, I became annoyed and set her back on her designated chair in the doll room. I am still determined to re-connect, but not sure how. Can’t force it, it has to come on it’s own. Until then, I will write about it.