Today is the Day

I am keeping track of the move to Europe here:

so I won’t go over all the details again, but today is marked on the calendar to sort, pack and get rid of every single dolly related item I have.  I have allowed 3 days for this process.  I am taking a deep breath, and knowing that we are limited in what we can bring, I am prepared to deal with it.  We are sending 20 boxes.  I am allowed 4 personal boxes, one for the sewing machine, one for sewing and knitting stuff and 2 for dolly stuff.  I have to find space for some of my art supplies too.  I had thought I could bring 5 dollies, but I now fear that won’t be possible.

I am sitting here at 3am, trying to get up the resolve I need to work through it.  I remember how when we sold the house, I could not bear to go in the doll room and do what I needed to do.  I kept postponing it and it ended up being the last thing I did to clear the house and it was so hard.  This time, we scheduled this task to be done before anything else.  Sigh.  I’ll take photo’s as I go.  Right now, I am just gearing up the fortitude I will need.

I muse that a year ago, I was facing getting off the truck and living in Hawaii and the dilemma at that time of trying to live a year with perhaps just a couple of small dolls.  However, several more dolls crossed my path and with each, I knew I was still going to have to face the ones at home and the never ending stress of having to downsize again and again because for the last 4 years we have had major lifestyle changes.  Here I am, once again having to make these decisions and I am frankly tired of it.

The ironic part this time around is that I know we are letting go of 9/10 of all we own and I like the idea of pure simplicity and frugal living.  So this whole issue is  not just dolly related.  It is our whole life’s accumulation  and emotional attachments that must be dealt with and I am determined not to put a negative slant on it.  No woe is me, I have to sell my favourite dollies and go through mourning.  Nope, I want every choice to be a positive one,  one that is practical, one that harvests the essence of what I want with my dolly play and of course, any funds I can garner in sales would only help our new life.  As of Friday, neither one of us is employed and we are pinching every penny and living off of savings.

Since I have been home, I have been clinging to Jollyann for some odd reason.  I gave her a pair of glasses and something just popped out of her that grabbed my attention.  I never got the chance to really get to know her, as I was in the middle of trucking, but now, I have found a new appreciation of her.

2012-03-21 0092012-03-21 011 She almost looks like Ann Estelle, lol.   I love the solid look of her, the character in her poses.   I am pulled toward her like never before.  I also have been carrying around Allina and Mikko, feeling such a deep love of my woodens.  They have a completely different skin than the beautiful resins.  They all have painted eyes, simpler shapes and of course their skin is nothing like the flawless resins.  but it is warm and pleasing in a way that resin is not.  I love the texture difference when a wooden wears a wool outfit compared to resin.  I thought to myself, I have a happier kind of play with the simplicity of wooden dolls, whereas with resins, I have more drama.  They are intense and represent perfection to me.  I love their beautiful bodies and glass eyes.  I love the ability to change their looks with wigs and eyes.  It will be a very hard decision, do I go simple to match our new lifestyle or go for the gold?

I also feel like I am leaning towards more traditional dolls than the modern.  I love how my wooden are unique.  My Schoenhut is stripped of her paint and is bare wood.  This gives her an imperfect face because the heads were steam pressed into moulds.  They are solid wood, but the steam and heat left marks in the wood that cannot be sanded out.  This doesn’t bother me in the least.  In fact, after all the sculpted thinness of my resins, I am tickled with her plump cheeks!

I am of course, just musing while sitting here waiting for my husband to get up and we can get our day started.  I am keeping an eye out for my heart’s reactions when I clear the dolly stuff and make those choices.  I want to do it with love and happiness and move on to our grand adventure.  I have been through enough dolls to know that manufactured dolls can be replaced or similar ones found and it is the unique one of a kind ones that need extra thought before letting go of.  I think back on all the dolls I have had and the ones I truly regret letting go of is the two wooden Schoenhuts that I refinished into dark wood.  Oh well.

I am now off to start the day and will be more active on my blog again as I go through this transition.


Lack of Creativity

Honestly, I just haven’t been able to get into my dolls or in any kind of play since I have been in Hawaii.  A few moments here and there of inspiration, but it soon trailed off into caring and paying attention to the children and household duties.  I haven’t lost interest, but there is a lack of time and peace about it.  I have tried here and there, but overall my dolls have been simply a comfort and a retreat for me, rather than any kind of adventure as I wanted to have.  I miss the play and the creativity and I sure hope it all comes back to me as we settle down in the UK or in Denmark, whichever it ends up being.

Evie and Yorik have been sitting in chairs for weeks now.  I at least stop and look at them each evening before bed.  I feel such sadness.  It’ just doesn’t work well to have them downstairs with the children, two of them mess with them and want to play and damage would be too much of an issue.  Same with photography outside, it’s not just me taking a doll out, but 4 other children as well.  I can’t concentrate this way at all.

Little Rosebud has been kept in a little leather box I found, which will be far more practical when carrying her in my purse, but I have forgotten to bring her along every single time!  I am totally distracted with everything and feel everything is on hold.  Next weekend I will see my dolls at the apartment, ones I have not seen in a year.  Some will have to be sold, some will come with me, but I have yet all those things to sort through.  Fabrics, notions, yarns, patterns and all the doll things I have collected through the years.  About 1/8 will be kept, that is it.  I feel a tug at my heart over that too.

In the meantime, I did find a half scale bedroom suite which seems large to me.  I like the dresser, but the bed is a double and too wide and I cannot fit the bureau in the room at all. 

2012-03-02 0232012-03-02 0242012-03-02 025 It would be nice if the bed was a single.  I haven’t time to look around and will save that for a UK project.  I would like to paper the walls and make a rug and add pictures to the wall.  If I could find a smaller bed, I would love to add a little chair.  Perhaps  a small sofa would be better.  I do have ‘some’ dollhouse miniatures at home, maybe I can find something for her there.

I did score some real silk thread and will attempt to make her a silk dress in crochet, but I am shuddering to think of cramping my hands up in that endeavour. 

I removed the last attempt to paint her face.  I was getting better at it, but I kept feeling like it took away the beauty of her sculpting.  while you can only see it up close and in the right light, she has tiny little eyelids!  Any painting, even as tiny as I can get it, obliterates those lids. 

2012-03-02 006 I took her one day out when walking the baby in the stroller.  But she didn’t photograph well.  She has a bit of left over faceup here in these photo’s, but it is gone now.

2012-03-02 0042012-03-02 011This dress is too clunky for her, that is why I want to attempt to crochet a thinner thread dress. 

Finally Here

I am now in Hawaii.  Got in last night.  To catch up, here are my entries from the 18th to today:


Monday, 18, 2011 At my Parents

Today was stress filled.  I took the car to storage.  We had bought a box of new rubber cables to use to hold down the tarp, but when I went to open the box, I realized that there was a plastic clip locking it and I needed to cut it to open the box.  I searched around the property until I found a screwdriver, used that to try and break the seal and ended up cutting my finger.  I bled and bled and the tarp was soon soaked in blood as I did my best to get the thing secured while in the midst of heavy winds.  Sigh.  Finally got it all done and leaned against the car holding the wound to try and get it to stop waiting for my parents to pick me up and I realized that if anyone saw that the car tarp was all bloody, my husband would have some explaining to do when I am no longer home to prove my existence! I chuckled over that one.


We went to see my paternal grandmother in the nursing home, it took her a bit to remember me, but when it finally clicked, she remembered me as a child.  That was ok.  I brought her a box of chocolates, of which she insisted we each take one, so I did, and yuck on that sickening sweetness.  I got a cherry cordial one.  "shiver".  I returned to my parents house to spend the night,  Mom made a wonderful dinner of pork cutlets and asparagus.   We sat up awhile, sharing brandy and talk of the old days.  I went to bed early, but slept poorly. 


Tuesday, 19, 2011 Travel Day

Not very good sleep last night, I really feel rather yucky. Oh what a very long day.  Once I got to the Denver airport and got checked in I was relieved to find that I passed right through security and no one freaked out about my Pixie, nor her wooden travel trunk.  I had about a 3 hour wait for the plane.  All the while, I had Pixie in her small carrier.  I really felt a nice relief with her so close.  But I have to admit, I also felt an incredible longing for Evie and Allina and even Jollyann.  I swear, at this point, I would have had a larger doll companion sitting on my lap the whole flight.  Wished I had done it.


On the flight to Seattle, I had to put the trunk under the seat in front of me because we were allowed to only put one bag in the overhead.  This meant that I could not stretch my legs out and I was getting cramps in my right leg.  On my return, I will definitely spend the trunk by mail.


I was overwhelmed with the commotions around me, with the exhaustion of carrying my heavy bags, and well, getting older just means less resiliency and ability to snap back.  So I waited 3 hours in Denver, had a 2.5 hour flight to Seattle, a wait of 4 hours there, the second flight was about 8 hours, and we were delayed by 45 minutes sitting on the tarmac, so it was long day for me.


I sat next to a man with a disorder on the flight flight who mumbled to himself incessantly and rubbed his hands in a fitful way.  I wondered how he managed not to break through the skin.  On the second flight I was next to ugh….children.  Noisy, in constant motion and I was bumped constantly.  When they are not your own, they are less charming.  I also sat in the back, near the restrooms with constant traffic, being bumped by passing attendants and passengers….I was tensing up and it made reading my book impossible.  By the time I arrived in Honolulu, my whole body ached from tension and sitting compressed for so long in my seat. 


Written today:

I woke up after sleeping for 6 hours, nice and soundly but really not enough to get back into the swing of things.    I unpacked my suitcase and it felt nice to be able to put my things away instead of living out of a suitcase like last time.  My daughter had set up a table for Evie, with her cabinet and some Evie size chairs, and I instantly regretted not bringing her.  I set Pixie’s trunk on top of the cabinet.  I felt overwhelmed and unsure if I had made the right decision.  I have several little packages to open for Ane Thea, as soon as I have the energy.  I am hoping I made the right decision, but it sure is hard to see the set up my daughter did, the furniture she found for Evie…..ack, I left them all behind!  Maybe I am just too tired to think straight.


Lots of pictures soon.


Dear Diary,

Did you know I live on a truck?  It’s ok I guess.  Sometimes I get bounced all over the place.  I like to watch out of the window and see different things.  I like dolls too.

DSC00496I got teased about my lobster socks.  I really like my lobster socks!

DSC00498It’s cold on the truck at night, so I wear them.

DSC00495I wear my scarf too.  It keeps my ears warm and my hair from getting too dusty.

Best of all I like to read books when it is time to go to bed.   I am learning all about dolls.

DSC00502DSC00503 DSC00504 DSC00506

Sometimes I wonder how come I look like some of these pictures.

DSC00507Sometimes I get called a living doll.  I wonder what that means.